Uplift Magazine

Down with VD!

By: Ivy McClure, 14.02.2008 | Comments (1)

So, can I just say that I FUCKING HATE VALENTINES DAY!

I think it is sooo ludicrous. Here is a specific day to buy loads of useless crap for your loved one just because you feel like you have to. All the Valentines hype convinces you that if you don’t buy some chintzy gift for your partner, they’ll feel unloved and you’ll be called an asshole.

It’s all a marketing ploy I tells ya! The stores jack up the prices on tiny cute teddy bears and red heart shaped candy boxes for the suckers caught up in the commercial hype. Roses cost four times more than any other time of the year. “Hey dear, let me go broke telling you how much you mean to me”, I don’t think so! And, I am sorry, but if you gave me a teddy bear for Valentines Day I would throw it right back at you. Couldn’t you think of something more meaningful?! And don’t even get me started on lingerie!!

Valentines Day is icky enough without even having to deal with all the commercials featuring kissing couples. Ooooh look! Isn’t everyone just so incredibly, disguntingly, vomit-inducingly in love on Valentine’s Day? For some reason, real people feel like they have to live up to the gross-out romantic antics on screen at this time of year; apparently there are a record number of kids conceived on the 14th of February. Jesus, people!!! Can’t you conceive any other time you have sex?!

So, you may be thinking that I sound a little bitter. Well that is because I just may be a tad… bitter… Before I got married, I NEVER had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. I always felt like such a loser. Remember in high school when they did those internal Valentines telegrams? Our student council called these instruments of torture ‘Val-a-grams’ and would sell flowers or candy which your special someone could attach a little note to. I NEVER got one of those. Boy, did I always hope. I hoped more than any girl ever hoped in the history of hoping. But sadly, no one ever sent me one. I think I was either too dumb or too broke to just send one to myself, ya know, to create an air of mystery….

Then when I did get married and such, the flowers would come on the wrong day, I’d get a flash light instead of jewels. My husband would feel incredibly pressured to find the perfect thing. The day gets so horribly built up that if you don’t have a box from Kay Jewelers (who so saturate the commercial breaks around Valentines day that they would have you believe they are the only jewellers in existence in America), then unlike the Kay slogan there will be no kisses will be starting with a “K” in that house!

I love my husband everyday. Some days more than others. Some days less then others. Sometimes I buy him a gift. Like a book from our local book store by his new favorite author. Or like the time I sent him a silly balloon bouquet to his work for no particular reason. I did those things because I love him everyday and I don’t need some pre-determined holiday of romantic expression to dictate to me what I feel.

I want to be romantically spontaneous! I don’t need no stinkin’ stupid holiday to remind me to take time and think of who I love in this life. They know because I show them all throughout the year.

So take that Kay Jewelers!!